If your child consistently struggles with drop-offs at daycare, it is hard to walk away. What is the solution? Quick goodbyes!
The best thing you can do for your child is make your goodbyes as seamless as possible. Put their things away, give them a hug, tell them you will be back, and go. Let the teacher take it from there, even if your child cries and fights to follow you out the door. Of course, this is completely counterintuitive. Your parental instincts will tell you to wait to leave until the tears are gone, but this is a bad idea for many reasons.
First, it sends the wrong message to your child. Children are extremely observant; if you are emitting nervous energy they will sense it and absorb it. By hovering and soothing, you are suggesting that the space isn't safe and therefore validating their anxiety.
Second, lingering accomplishes nothing. If your child is going to cry, they will cry whether you leave right away or you wait a while, so don't delay the inevitable. If you stay each time your child cries, they learn that crying keeps you there and it will never get better. By developing a drop off routine you stick to no matter what, they learn that crying won’t bring you back into the room, and eventually they will give it up.
It is also important to recognize that, as more children arrive and the room gets busy, it’s best you don't settle in. When there are extra adults in the classroom, it begins to feel chaotic. Your presence could trigger other children's separation anxiety, delay scheduled activities, or simply crowd the space. A quick drop-off demonstrates respect for the teachers and trust in their abilities. So please, come in, do a brief check-in, then be on your way.
Often, children continue to cry at drop-off simply because it is part of their daily routine, one step of many to begin the day: "I walk in, I put my coat away, I cry, I play." The crying becomes a way to make mornings consistent and therefore predictable. Children love predictability! Find other consistent steps to focus on during drop off so the meltdown isn’t the main event. Try incorporating a song, a high five, a hug or other daily ritual to signal it’s time to say goodbye.
Something very important to remember is that, no matter what your routine involves, it should never end with you sneaking away. Your child has to know you have left. It might seem like a good idea in the moment to slip out while they are distracted, but this usually causes panic and more tears. In the long run, your child has to adjust to watching you leave and saying “good-bye for now.”
If you are feeling uncomfortable with how a drop-off went, you can always call the center a little later to check in. A quality center will be open to this and happy to keep you informed.
Develop a consistent, quick drop-off routine your child can anticipate and, before you know it, the tears will be a thing of the past.
Comments